Richard Kettle

Name: Richard Kettle
Nickname? Kettle
Position: Centre back
Joined Clapham (year): 2007
Which football team do you support? Colchester United
Idol: “Prince” Philippe Albert
Clapham moment of glory: Scoring my first goal against St Mary’s, which Diran later dubbed “van Persie-esque”
Plays like: a fast Neil Ruddock/a slow Des Walker
Describe yourself in three words: Well out Ketts!

On Your Team Mates

Best Trainer: Wouldn’t know, I never go
Worst trainer: Probably me, I hate running
Most skilful: either Torres or Jo AKA the ones who can actually play football
Fastest Overall: Bernie, naturally
Worst dress sense: Dyno
Worst loser: Dyno
Hard man: Derek Mensah – he loves the tackle (no homo)
Most likely to get booked: Matt Renton = petulance
And finally, who's the longest in the shower: Frank, not that I’ve been checking…